"Unheard Whispers"
After five years, I encountered a familiar face in my first-year Bachelor's class. He had grown taller and appeared more mature. He was no longer the shy guy among boys or the mean, arrogant person around girls. His eyes exuded friendliness, and he seemed genuinely pleased to see me. As days turned into months, we developed a strong bond and became close friends. We supported each other academically, shared ideas, and thoroughly enjoyed our undergraduate journey.
On one specific day, while we were returning from a meeting, we got stuck in congested traffic. We chose to walk the final 30 minutes to our homes because of the oppressive heat inside the bus. We had lengthy chats as we walked. I was curious, so I questioned him, "Why did you use to stay away from girls? And why did you choose your female buddies with such care? He responded, "I can tell you the reason," I'm not sure if it was because of the circumstances, his naive faith in me, or his weariness from keeping things to himself. I don't know if you'll get it or laugh, though. But pay close attention.
He then proceeded to share. He told, ‘’In the third grade, everyone adored him. He would sleep next to anyone who showed him love and affection. One night, he woke up to find his female relative, his sister, touching his private parts and urging him to engage in inappropriate behavior. Initially confused and frightened, he cried out loudly. His grandmother, awakening to his cries, asked why he was awake and making a fuss. He remained silent, and she dismissed it as a tantrum. This marked the beginning of a series of encounters with sexual misconduct perpetrated by other female relatives, including his cousin's sisters. He felt immense shame and embarrassment whenever he saw their faces.
He had become a victim of sexual molestation within his family circle. He knew that many people would find it hard to believe, as such stories often go unheard and unnoticed by the media. Consequently, he developed a deep hatred for girls and began to isolate himself, avoiding both boys and girls. He felt unable to share his ordeal with anyone, fearing that his pain would be dismissed or mocked. He felt that they would attribute the situation to his desires, forgetting that he was only a third-grade child who knew nothing about sex. Society would expect him, as a man, to handle himself without showing vulnerability. He had to suppress his emotional turmoil, fearing the repercussions of exposing his traumatic experiences. Moreover, he dreaded the possibility of experiencing harassment from friends or in the workplace in the future, even after surviving his childhood trauma.
With a sense of courage overcoming his hesitation, I asked him why he chose to share this with me rather than his male friends. He replied, "You know, Jennie, sometimes, due to the expectations associated with masculinity, we boys often listen without truly hearing. We struggle to understand what other boys are going through. We tend to portray ourselves as alpha males and serious conversations are rare, except when alcohol is involved. We also want to open up and cry like children." His words struck a chord with me and for a moment, time stood still. I responded, "Perhaps the ship of masculinity has sailed, don't you think?" We both shared a lighthearted giggle. I felt remorseful for harboring negative assumptions about their toughness. Sadly, I couldn't change what had happened to him.
It is rarely discussed or reported because society expects men to handle things on their own, branding them as cowards if they seek help. It is essential to acknowledge that male sexual harassment exists in various forms, perpetrated by individuals of any gender identity, sexual orientation, or age. However, this topic remains highly underrated, unheard of, and underestimated worldwide. Many survivors of male sexual harassment surround us, carrying their untold stories, putting on a brave face, and pretending to be "THE MAN."