"My life scars make me"
??:??? ?? ???? ??? ?????????? ?? ???? ???????? ???? ??????? ????????? ???? ?????? ??? ? ? ??????? ????? ?????? ???? ???? ?????? ???? ??? ???? ???? ???? ???????? ??? ???? ???????? ????? ???? ???? ?????? ? ????????? ?????? ????? ???? ???? ?????? ?????? ??????? ?? ?????? ???? ??????? ????? ???? ???? ?????? ??????? ??????? ?????? ????? ???????? ??????????? ? ????????? ??????? ??? ???????? ???? ????? ?????????? ????? ???????? ???? ???? ????? ???? ?! ????????? ?????? ???? ??????? ???? ?????? ???? ??????? ??? ???? ????? ?????? ??? ????? ???? ??? ?????? ????? ????? ???? ??? ???????? ???? ????? ?????? ???? ????? ? ???? ??????? ?????? ?????? ??:? ??? ????? ????? ??? ?? ???? ????????? ??? ???? ????? ???? ????? ??????? ????? ???? ???????? ??? ??? ?????? ???????? ??????? ????? ???? ?????????
???????? ?????? ????? ????? ???? ? ???? ????? ??:??? ????? ????????? ? ???? ???? ???? ??? ??????? ????? ? ?????? ??????? ?????????? ???? ???????? ???? ?????? ???? ?????? ???? ????? ???? ??????? ???? ? ?????? ??? ??? ?????? ?????? ?????? ??:??? ????? ??????? ?????? ???????? ????? ??????? ????? ???? ?????? ???? ? ???? ???? ?????? ?????? ?????? ?? ??????? ?????? ???? ?????? ????? ????? ????? ???? ?????? ????? ??? ????? ???? ???? ??????? ??? ???? ???????? ???????? ?????? ?? ???? ????? ????? ??????? ? ????? ? ????? ???????? ?????????? ?????? ????????? ???? ???? ????? ????? ???? ? ????? ??? ???????? ?????? ? ????? ?????? ???????? ????? ?? ???? ??? ??:? ?????? ?????? ???? ? ???? ??? ?? ?????? ???? ??????? ? ?????? ??? ?????? ????? ????? ??????? ???? ???? ?????????? ????? ????????? ???? ???? ??????? ???? ??? ??????? ???? ???? ??????? ??? ????? ???? ???? ????? ?? ???????? ??? ??? ????? ? ?????????? ??? ???? ?????? ??? ??????? ???? ? ?????? ??? ?????? ??? ??? ??? ????????? ?????? ???? ?????? ????? ????? ???? ????? ? ??? ????? ??? ?? ?????? ???? ?????? ???? ??? ?????? ??????? ??????? ?????? ???? ? ???????? ???? ???? ???? ????? ?????? ???? ??? ???? ??????? ?? ???? ????? ??????? ????????? ???? ?????? ???????? ??? ???? ????? ?????? ???? ???????? ???? ????? ??? , ??????? ?????? ????
?????? ???? ?????? ???? ?? ?????? ?????? ??? ????? ?????? ??????? ?????? ????? ????????? ????? ?? ???? ?????? ???????? ????, ???? ???????? ?????? ???? ???????? ?? ???? ????????? ???? ??? ????????, ???? ?????? ???? ???? ?????? ? ??? ??????? ??? ??????????? ????????
???? ???? ?????? ???? ???? ???? ??????? ?????? ???? ??????? ??? ?????? ???? ???? ???????? ?? ? ? ???? ??????? ???? ???? ???????? ??? ?????? ?????? ????? ?? ?? ??????????? ? ???? ????? ???? ??????
I do not like to show the reasons that has made me who I am. The reasons are mournful and sad. Opening up my vulnerable side and putting myself out there is a difficult thing for me to but today I shall do it. Life has never been easy for me. Happiness shows up like the once in a blue moon guest who visits us only on rare occasions. This has been the same for my entire family.
My father knew his life wouldn’t be easy at the early age of nine when his father passed away. He was raised by a loving mother who looked after him very well and filled in the absence of a fatherly figure. He studied up to eighth grade. My parents were united in matrimony when my father was eighteen years old. It was the responsibility of my father to tend to his family’s needs and provide them with a happy life. Unfortunately, the circumstances never favored him and made it only difficult for him. My family lived under poverty. Unbearable to my father, he moved to Kathmandu to earn a living that would sustain his family. But no one said, Kathmandu would bring a miracle that would change everything. Kathmandu was filled with hardships and struggle. My father started out as a conductor. He had difficulty grasping the knacks of the job. His boss, frustrated with his poor performance, would flood him with harsh words. Despite the hard conditions, he continued to work through it. In the meantime, my mother was taking care of the household back home, making sure the family was not torn apart. A glimmer of sunshine came into the family when my father started working as a driver. However, the duration of it was short lived.
Another stormy event was just lurking around the corner. My mother was pregnant with me then. An old couple were hit by my father’s car in an accident and had lost their lives in the process. My innocent father was sentenced to three years of prison life. It was extremely hard for my pregnant mother living with unsupportive and crude neighbors who had only hurtful remarks to offer. Being born a woman in a Nepali society is tough. The people she expected to be her moral of support in such dire times were the very ones who made it further difficult for her to withstand the grief. People insinuated that she should leave her family behind and elope with some other man. But my mother loved her family. She was brave and refused to leave her daughter and husband in times of adversity. She took care of the family.
Father came back into our poverty stricken lives after completing his time in the prison. Situation had only gotten worse. To bring an end to our miserable lives and in hope of earning well, he moved to the Arabian countries. Who knew what awaited him there was no job, empty stomach and struggle for six months. We, back home waited in hope that he would send some money with which the family could live better. We waited for six months in desperation but no money came our way. My father started sending little money after that which my mother used to fulfil our needs.
Despite all the adversity and poverty, my mother tended to all my needs. She made sure that her children had the best upbringing. She efficiently managed to take good care of us with what little she had. She sent us to school to get education.
Our lives got shaken once more. My father found out he is diabetic and could not survive without taking medications everyday. This meant an end to my dreams of studying the subject that I desired. I cannot imagine how miserable my family will be without my father, the bread winner. We just have to keep overcoming obstacles. God has written my life with a sorrowful pen and so shall it be. But amidst it, I shall create my own world of happiness.