"Because you don't bleed"
Today is such a bad day, I am so tired. I can’t hang on these bars of “Nepal Yatayat”. Ooouch!! Stupid girl, how dare she step on my foot with her pointed heels? And look at her sitting comfortably. 365 days they keep on singing “Girl power! Girl power!!”, however when time comes they can’t stand for five minutes in a bus. I am sure they would have almost killed poor me, have I seated on that so called “Mahila seat”, as if we men have vertebra of iron, born with outstanding capacity to stand. Ridiculous!! Anyways I am home. Now I just want to surrender myself to my bed. Ah!! Bed is love. “Bishal! Bishal!! …” Yes mom, “oh! You’re home at the right time, go prepare dinner” Mom aren’t u supposed to do that? I am just too tired. There was a lot work at office. “Your sister and me, are on periods. Now you have to take charge of the kitchen.” What!! I hate it. God, why is their period taking my class? I wish I was on periods at least I would get rest for 5 days and sleep for the whole day. Absolutely doing nothing. I could make excuses for missing college, my boss would grant me half day leave. Moreover, when I am tired I could sit on that “mahila seat”. Lucky women, they are so privileged. If any function or queue women first, food?, ladies first. And I so feel biased when Niti gets more Dakshina by any relatives visiting our home, and same thing in Dashain , Tihar, puja , functions everywhere. And if we ask why, the answer is; girls are Laxmi, creator, goddess and list goes on. If they are goddess, then what are we men : beast with horns? Moreover they can shout, ignore and can get irritated with us whenever they want but hello… we are meant to apologize . Why? Becasue we are men. Oh god if only I was as lucky as women but why would you listen to my prayers although my back is paining like hell after cleaning this kitchen and my hands are tired of washing these tons of plates and utensils. I hope I’ll get a sound sleep today. “Kringg..kringgg..kringggg”, Shit! Its 9:30. I missed my class. I had practical today, sir will surely kill me. Get up Bishal, Ahh…! My back is aching like hell, ouch my stomach is cramping. I just can’t get up. I feel so heavy. Wait! Did I pee on my bed, why am I feeling wet? Crap…how is this blood stain over my legs and bed sheet? Oh Jesus what happened to me, why am I bleeding. Who is there imitating me in the mirror? Is that me? But that’s a girl. “Bisakha! Bisakha!! Oh dear you are still not off for the office?” Mom, why are u calling me Bisakha; I am Bishal, your son. “Oh! Bisakha don’t joke, you have always been my daughter since 22 years. I think it is because of your periods, you are behaving strange.” God what do I do? I am scared I am bleeding. Mom please help me. God! Will I die? I am not being able to walk properly, this so called thing called pad between my thighs is suffocating me. I feel unsecured, I feel being watched, and why all the people are giving me those looks. Oh god I hope my zippers are not open, are they? I think I am looking funny, might my pad and panty line be visible. What if I had had a leakage? Oh no, what do I do? Why are they looking at me like an alien, all the way from the Mars? Phew!! Finally, I am on the bus. But I don’t know why am I feeling strange today. This hustle and bustle seems more tough than it used to be and these cramps. I wonder who is behind me. Is the bus really pack? Why is he continuously rubbing against me? I can feel him and his hands over my back. And his every touch is sinking me. What!! Did he just squeeze my butt? Stay strong Bishal, don’t cry… don’t cry ..hold back your tears. I hope no one saw that. God I want to get out, I feel broken and numb. I have done nothing bad why did he do that, did he take me as a slut. Do I look like a slut? If not, why he did that. I want to shout aloud I am breaking out physically and mentally, yet I can’t shout. Okay ! realx Bishal, concerntarte. It has been 4 hours since that incident but you are not being able to forget the creepy sensation of that touch. Oh god! I feel like my stomach is degenerating and coming out into pieces. I swear I’ll die. There is no possibility of not dying, continuously bleeding this way. My body needs a rest. sir, can I get a half day leave? I am not feeling well, “Sorry Bisakha, today there is a lot of work pending, you had taken leave for 3 days only last month. But I wouldn’t mind you going early after your work is done.” “I don’t understand these girls, they cannot even tolerate minor headache and stomach pain. Moreover their day off applications, tantrum, mood swings. I just don’t understand. Why?”, he uttered “You will not understand BECAUSE YOU DON’T BLEED DUMBO”, I wanted to shout right there at his face. But I didn’t want to get fired. Finally, after the longest 30 min in “Nepal yatayat”, my struggle is over. A hot lemon and nice family dine would compensate all what happened today. “oh Bisakha! What are you doing? You just made the whole water and kitchen impure. Go! Stay in your room. I’ll send your food in your room. And don’t come to the kitchen again”. But, mom you didn’t let me say that I want to sit with you people and share my pain and finally have a loved moment , after all that I have gone throughout the day. But, my own family declared me as untouchable, whereas that guy not only touched me; pinched and pierced my soul out. I thought at least my family would understand but none even came and checked if I needed anything. I felt left alone. Moreover, these stained bed sheets I got to wash now. Tringg … tringgg……. Hello, Ashish! How are you? “ You didn’t come to college today, did you go on a date? Anyway we were suffering in that practical class”, No! you stupid how can you directly assume that, I was on date? I am on my periods. “Chill…!, why do you girls always have to overreact? I was just asking. You should feel lucky, now you got excuses for leaving the class and rest in medical whole day.” Forget it Ashish, you won’t understand! “But why not”, BECAUSE YOU DON’T BLEED “Who don’t bleed Bishal? Why were you shouting? Did you just have a nightmare ?” Did you just called me Bishal? Am I boy?, Yaayyy… I am a boy. Oh! Thank you god I have not turned into a girl. That was just a dream. “Mom, I am sorry. I love you mom, you are great. How do you manage to do it all and not even show single harsh lines on your forehead. My office is enough to exhaust me. You must be a superhero, you are an accountant of the family, Manager, Chef, Cleaner, Doctor, Teacher, wife and mother all at a same time.” Mom I’ll go and get some hot lemon for you and Neha, have rest. And today I realized why women are the most beautiful and strongest creature. They bleed half of their life just to be called a “MOTHER”, she bled her whole life to create another life. And now I also know, what it takes to be a real gentleman.