BY: BIDUSHI
No one really talks, what it feels like when your best friend slowly becomes just another person in your life. People always talk about going from best friends to strangers, but they never talk about going from best friends to just….. friends. That awkwardness hurts in a different way. You still see each other every single day in class. You still sit on the same benches, walk through the same corners of college hear the same laughter around you. But now, everything feels different. Conversations that once lasted for hours are now reduced to a small, awkward “hi.” You sit beside each other carrying so many memories in silence memories of laughing until your stomach hurt, bunking classes just to talk nonsense, sharing about life, and feeling like no one understood you the way she did now, that laughter is not shared with you anymore.
After losing her, I started feeling an emptiness that I can’t explain. A kind of void that follows me everywhere. Even when I’m surrounded by people, I still feel alone sometimes. Sometimes I wake up thinking about her before I even realize it. I dream about her almost every night, dreams where we’re talking normally again, laughing like before, fixing everything. But every time when I wake up, reality hits me,
I think some relationships are like clothes. If a cloth gets torn, you can stitch it back together. But if the fabric itself starts wearing out little by little, no matter how much you try to fix it, it’s never the same again. Friendships are the same. One misunderstanding can be solved easily. But when small things that hurts keep building up inside your heart, and you stay silent because you don’t want to hurt your friend, one day everything explodes into an ugly fight. And by then, both people are already tired and damaged.
The saddest part is realizing your own mistakes too late. I took many things for granted. I thought friendship would always stay the same no matter what. I didn’t always prioritize her the way she deserved. Sometimes I only thought about myself. Back then, I didn’t care enough to notice the distance growing between us. And now I realize everything when it’s already too late.
People say heartbreak changes you, but losing my best friend broke me in a way I never expected. It hurts more than any breakup ever could. Because she wasn’t just someone I loved she was my comfort person, my safe place, my everyday habit. Losing her feels like losing a part of myself. There are days I don’t even want to go to college anymore. The same classroom, the same desk, the same person sitting there but now there’s only silence and awkwardness between us. I’ve bunked classes so many times just because I couldn’t handle pretending everything was okay.
If you have a true friend, especially a best friend who genuinely loves and supports you, hold on to her tightly. Appreciate her. Put efforts into the friendship. Share opportunities, celebrate her wins, listen to her feelings, and never assume she’ll always stay no matter what. Because once that bond changes, nothing else feels the same again. I didn’t grow stronger after losing her. I just grew quieter, emptier, and weaker. And I think that’s what hurts the most.