Preeti Kafle
“Oh, so you’re that feminist type of girl.” time and again we often get a rhetorical question when we try to talk about gender equality and gender roles in our brown household. The term feminist is weaponized by mockery, dismissal, and sarcasm instead of being understood as a long fight for justice and gender equality. Feminism is labeled as a man-hater making it derogatory to dismiss girls when they try to express their discomfort about societal structures. When a girl is unapologetic about her emotions, society demonizes her as if her feelings are wild, scary, or unnatural.
With the fear of being judged, we keep carrying out our internal monologue without saying it out loud because no amount of light helps those who refuse to open their eyes. As it is easier to go along with the status quo than oppose it, we girls remain silent to avoid awkward conversations. Feminism, in particular, is a difficult topic to discuss with anyone, especially in Nepali, due to academic jargon and complex words. Linguistic translation sometimes doesn’t carry the same emotional weight in causal settings. Even when Nepali is our first language, we often find ourselves switching to English when we want to express ourselves because feelings get lost in translation when we use Nepali. For example, terms like पुरुषसत्तात्मकता for patriarchy, विषाक्त पुरुषत्व for Toxic Masculinity, are difficult to use in our day to day conversation. These words can make people feel defensive to those unaware of the meanings, rather than open to dialogue. Thus, it makes the conversation feel distant from everyday reality.
The distance becomes visible in personal spaces. I remember my relatives calling my father submissive just because my father doesn’t engage in acts of violence and his behaviors don’t fit with any other male relatives. He has been often called out as too obedient to his wife when there is no unequal power dynamics in my parent’s relationship. A lot of men have problems when we question the traditional gender roles and hierarchy and ask us if we are one of those feminist type of girl in between conversations.
For some people, feminism might be just a theory to have a conversation, but it is a ray of hope for someone struggling with unequal gender gaps. Micro-feminism reminds us that even the smallest things like calling out a sexist joke, challenging stereotypes, and not making ourselves smaller to fit into society, matters. Feminism is in the daily choices, make room for equity, prejudice free and inclusion when no one is watching. It will make a diverse ecosystem where various minds can thrive and ideas become sharper and efficient.