BY: BIRENDRA
When we talk about patriarchy, in the simplest way, we talk about men holding a superior role ruling over other genders. We can’t deny that either. In the environment we live in, within our houses, there exists patriarchy, a system since ages that continued to exist to this date. We often talk about equality and justice while ignoring the structures that deny both. But have we ever questioned ourselves; ever peeked behind the bars? If we did, we might find patriarchy often taken as a liberation for men in the society, slowly affecting mental health of men due to the rigid social structures and responsibilities that have been set.
Let’s take the commonly used example of patriarchy- male member as a head of the household and every decision of the family is decided by the sole person having others starve for autonomy. We see this in most of our Nepalese households. Having said that patriarchy pushes men to dwell in darker place too, I definitely haven’t denied how the society has boosted male ego suppressing women. When I look at my mom never getting two minutes of rest from her household chores, I wonder how deep-rooted gender norms are and how normal it is taken as a natural responsibility of women. They might have dreams as well, to become financially independent, to be on their own, but the societal standards are set in such a way that females are expected to remain confined with household chores and male to be the breadwinner of the family. My mother hates asking money to my father for buying things she likes. Let’s talk about the scenario I have faced during family gatherings – “Hey, ladies can you please hurry up to refill our glasses?” one of my uncles shouted from the living room. All female members were busy in the kitchen cooking, I was there too to help mothers out. They were all sweating out of the heat inside kitchen, while uncles and dad laughed loud, ate and drank, talked about politics and those things that might not even matter in real life. My own sister often hear phrases like, “chhori manche bhayera yo nagara”. She loves working in kitchen, cleaning rooms not out of responsibility to meet expectation but because of her own will. That’s why she hates listening to phrases like that which shows her as a weak and sympathetic being.
On the other hand, I have seen my mother being able to express her feelings openly with her friends, while I have never heard the same from my dad’s side. He rarely talks about how he feels, rarely tells his children the words that reflect his love for his family. He always made sure his family members had a smile on their faces while he cried silently, hiding tears from everybody. He becomes a money-making machine rather than a son, a father, a husband and a person with his own struggles. They are bounded by a financial cage and told to become strong, pushing them to emotional isolation. Even when they are willing to help their wife in cleaning or cooking, support their wife’s career, they are mocked as “Joi Tingre” (meaning henpecked) among family members and society. Thus, the pain is often underestimated when it comes to men.
Patriarchy is an inbuilt system, not just shaped by individual behavior. It might look like a privilege, but it’s a rigid expectation which traps both men and women. Life and relationships should not only be limited within roles. We all shall look forward to creating the atmosphere where every human being stands for humanity which should never be influenced by what one provides as a male or a female. Dismantling patriarchy is not a battle between genders; it is a shared battle to destroy rigid bars and allow everybody to live with dignity, choice, and freedom.