BY: BIRENDRA
Somewhere between who I always wanted to be, who I expected myself to become, and who I’m actually becoming. Today, I asked myself, do I really know the real me? One year ago, from today, I was 22 years old, my 2nd year of bachelor in public health, too busy being a student. I used to think that living life was hard. I’m not sure if it’s because of the boring routine I followed; waking up every morning, carrying bag, attending classes, and returning home. My routine was limited, I had no hobbies to do other than preparing notes for exams. I love participating in conferences, being a member of an organization, conducting sessions, and activities basically supporting my academic growth. But then, something shifted, something changed, that made me realize that life should not only be confined to textbooks and preparing notes. It should be something more beyond to write the story of my life.
I’m now in 3rd year, I still follow a similar routine, but I’ve let my productivity grow to find the lost me in between the mess of life, I chose to shine brighter. Living in the city alone, in the middle of concrete jungle, life has not been easy for me. The new air, new people, new surroundings, and new everything that made me even lose interest to interact with people around me. I used to feel that I don’t belong here at all. Many cold nights faded with heavy eyelids, missing home, missing family and being homesick. The thought that I’ would get a good job only if I studied well and graduated, but I was so wrong with that. I finally understand that there’s so much to explore and look forward to in the world. Hard mornings still exist, but they aren’t hectic anymore since I’ve started finding peace in chaos. The rush, the feeling of keeping up with the race of life, the fear of being left behind, I realized that there’s no race that I must win, and everybody has their own pace to grow through. It was all about finding myself, finding reasons, even though little, to live, to at least try new things; coming out of my comfort zone. It was obvious that it felt strange at first, but then I found myself being happy. For the longest time, my only aim was to make my parents happy with good grades and return their investment through my future paycheck. It still matters to me, but I don’t let myself keep drowning in it. I started building myself; first, just being a good human, understanding that people themselves aren’t good or bad to judge easily, everybody has their own struggles, they are dealing with. I learned that little steps aren’t little; each step is worth appreciating, and there is nothing such as perfection.
Public health isn’t just limited to heavy bags, textbooks, passing boards with restless nights, and getting a degree. It is broad, which is to become responsible and aware making people improve their behavior in terms of health by applying what is learned inside the classroom. A good life isn’t something I wait for after graduation; it’s something I create by allowing myself to keep discovering more. I haven’t yet fully known about myself, but I choose to never stop learning because the best thing one can do to step forward is ‘try’.