Laxmi Basnet
I found myself at the airport, standing just 2 feet away from the escalator. I tried to walk towards it, but my legs were numb. Around me, people were in their own world; walking past me with phones in their hands and eyes fixed ahead. No one noticed me standing there, frozen. If they walked towards it, I could do it too, right? All I wanted was to be on an escalator, so why was it so difficult? Why could everyone else do it with ease, except me? I took a step towards it, but the floor beneath me crumbled. I stumbled and fell hard. I tried to lift myself, but my body couldn’t move. I called for help — no one paid attention.
People were walking past me. Some were even stepping over me. I screamed in pain, but it felt like I was invisible to them or just in their way. Still, the rush didn’t stop. I felt my breath slowly sinking in, my eyes growing drowsy, and all around me, the rush continued.
Once again, I found myself standing at my school ground with a big bag that felt almost as heavy as I was. I noticed no one had a bag – everyone was moving freely without any weight to slow them down. Suddenly the bell rang, and everyone rushed toward the classroom. I tried to keep up, and for a moment, my friend waited for me, slowing down just enough to stay by my side. But I was too slow. I sank to the ground; the school grounds were empty with no laughter, no footsteps, no voice, just me and my stupid bag.
Was the weight of my bag too much for me to carry? Or was it my willpower that had failed? Tears rushed down my cheeks but there was no one to notice. Everyone was somewhere else, somewhere I couldn’t find. And then I woke up in my bed.
I took a deep breath from the relief that it was all a dream, yet the weight lingered but from the choices I had to make about a career that never really felt like mine, one I wasn’t even certain I wanted. I sat there for a long time, staring at the ceiling. The world began again as it always does. I was caught somewhere between knowing and not knowing.
Still unsure.